How To Learn A Better Routine From A Baby

 

If there is one things babies know best it’s getting into a routine. As soon as Peanut wakes up in the morning she wipes the crusty eye boogies away and hops right into her daily routine.

Peanut is more consistent with her routine than a lot of other people. She delegates her time pretty well. There’s time for 6+ meals a day, workouts, naps and reading.

Do everyone a favor and eat breakfast in the morning! No one likes crabby Willem Dafoe when he hasn’t eaten his Snickers in the morning. Be more like Marilyn.

Pop culture references aside, we all know when you haven’t eaten anything because it shows. It’s scientifically proven people get angry when they’re hungry. The scientific word for this is hangry.

Don’t do that to yourself, or us.

Peanut goes crazy for her new bouncy seat. It’s basically a giant Nemo themed harness seat that is accompanied by Dori, Squirt and Mr. Ray (I remembered the song but not his name so I cheated and googled it). I would work out a whole lot more if gyms were Disney themed, just saying.

Also, according to sciencey things, working out is apparently really awesome for our bodies. Not just in the ‘I workout and look good’ way but the ‘yo I workout and feel good’ way. Working out releases dopamine and all sorts of other good stuff in the brain and improves overall health. It’s pretty much the best drug for you.

Check out a previous blog ‘Babies Workout Too’ to get off your lazy butt and work out!

Some people don’t advocate the whole nap thing, but I’m about it. You feel refreshed and recharged. Occasionally there’s a point in the afternoon where your body just goes ‘why are you awake right now’ and your productivity levels plummet.

So, to fix all of that take a 20-40 minute nap. If you think your 9-5 corporate grind doesn’t allow it that’s a bunch of hooey. If it’s that important, you’ll make time for it. My blog Baby Time can help you with that.

On your lunch break find a nap spot (they’re out there and just ripe for the pickin’) and get a little recharge in your afternoon.

Lastly, reading is pretty important. You learn a lot from it and it isn’t going anywhere any time soon. In a world with more readable content on a daily basis than at any other time in human history, you are bound to read a lot. But I think too many of us read stuff that isn’t fun.

Are we really passionate about what the Kardashians are up to in People magazine? Let’s just agree that there are better things to be read out there. Peanut likes keepin’ it real with her ‘Listen To The Birds: An Introduction To Classical Music’ book (shout out to Aunt Lauren).

In all seriousness though, exposing children to multimedia content at a young age can be really beneficial. Just make sure the content is good!

Picture Perfect

Easter was this past weekend. That means long meals with mostly unhealthy foods and posing for family pictures every ten minutes. After all the festivities died down, Peanut goes, “Dad why are so many pictures taken?”

So I go, “ because people want to remember special moments.”

Peanut fires back, “people must have really bad memory then. There are too many pictures. People should just fully experience the moment like me. That way they can remember it better.”

In a digital world where everyone fancies themselves a photographer, the Internet might burst at the seems with crappy photos. No literally, this article says the Internet is being affected by all the E-waste online and eventually hurts us as human beings.

Moral of the story is if the last four pictures on your Instagram account are selfies chances are no one likes you. Question your existence in knowing that you’re contributing to the fall of the Internet.

Okay, enough picking on the narcissistic readers out there.

You may say, “a picture is worth a thousand words,” but it’s hard to justify that statement when 400 of those words would be ‘like.’ And if anyone in the audience can write 1000 words describing a selfie of theirs, please send us a message. We are genuinely curious in reading your eloquent prose.

I don’t even think Shakespeare did that but hey, maybe we have a savant in the audience.

Instead of just bashing bad photographers, I’ll give you some advice.

Take a hike.

No seriously go for a hike or take a walk. And capture what you see through the lens. Photography should exude some resemblance of what your reality is and if that reality is duck faces at the bar try mixing it up a bit.

In a world crowded with selfie sticks and duck faces, I tip the hat to those who keep real photography alive. Simple, inspiring, emotional photography. If you don’t already follow these accounts you should probably get in here: Chris Burkard, Paul Nicklen, HUNY, and Theron Humphrey.

Ansel Adams limited himself to one picture a day during some of his most creative phases. Now I know I don’t have that diligence to just take one (it’s like eating cookies or chips). All I’m saying is make it special. Make the photos you take special and you will get more from them.

If those photog accounts above didn’t motivate you enough just google ‘urban photography’ and see what comes up. It’s funny how some of the best photographs occur in the oddest of places.

Have fun and don’t forget: Shoot Responsibly

Baby Time

“Honey, what time is it?”

“Hmm… It is 7:45 AM.”

“Gotta go, running late again.” And with a quick kiss on my forehead daddy disappears through the door.

Most mornings, while I sit awake on mommy’s lap I hear this quick exchange between my parents and then go back to playing my own version of paddy cake . What is this ‘time’ thing anyway and why does it take someone away from playing with me? Not cool. It’s as though ‘time’ controls people, yet I have never seen this ‘time’ —its as though an invisible hand is constantly turning peoples’ heads on a string and Father Time is the puppet master. All I know is that I’m not a fan of time.

 

Why time sucks

Have you ever ventured into a busy city? If so, you will know exactly what I am talking about when I say city folk are always in a rush. Even the cars and taxis whizz and weave through a sea of people trying to cross the street Now why is it that people plow through each other, bumping into everything in their path? As mentioned early, this thing called time commands it of them. The scepter of time mandates the mad dog rush.

Time constricts people, creating specific scheduled blocks for different things to be accomplished. Time tells people when it is appropriate to wake up, eat breakfast, shower, dress, go to work, drink coffee, go back to work, have that second or third cup of coffee, leave work, go home, have dinner, go to bed, and repeat and repeat and repeat. If there happens to be a fumble, like sleeping an extra five minutes in the morning, you are screwed.

People end up going about their day only thinking of all the stuff they need to accomplish within a certain block of time, and this takes away from any form of creative or provoking thought. Amongst a vast sea of quick paced zombies, there are a few bodies who do not let this time control them; often these people are criticized and thought of as irresponsible. But why?

Despite different states, countries, and even cultures living by different standards of time, it still seems to have the same effect on people? We feel confined by these invisible barriers set-up by time, and yet, there is no actually physical thing holding us within them.

 

‘Depends On The Meaning What Is Is’

What if you remove time? Will all of the accomplishments, meetings, money made and money spent be lost? Who (or what) are you left with? A liberated soul. You’ll find it easier to think for your self and feel the urge to do something outside of the box.

Adherence to time leads to mindlessness. Robots lack creative thought and creative thought is unique to a human existence. Humans should not be robots.

Since the social construct of time isn’t going anywhere, how do we deal with the smelly old elephant in the room? Live moment to moment. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen in the future, and because of my immature brain, I have no recollection of the past. All I care about is ‘what is.’

I eat when I am hungry and sleep when I am tired. When my basic needs are met I carry on the rest of my day pontificating and swinging my arms around (because that’s rad and I might be a boxer when I grow up). Interestingly enough, by concentrating just on the current moment, I am influencing my future.

 

I Dare You…

No, I double dog dare you to question your existence. (Ever been double dog dared by a 2-month old baby? Didn’t think so). The possibility of time stopping if you do not finish the objective at hand is slim to none, so focus on ‘what is’ and hey, that mad dog rush may just slow down into a nice stroll.

 

 

What’s Your Nickname?

Disclaimer: All of the nicknames used in this blog are real…

Nicknames are fun. They also have an amplified meaning, just as names do. daughters nickname is Peanut, hence the name of this blog. Who was James Bond without his esteemed (and nicknamed) secretary, Money Penny. Let’s just say he’d miss a lot of appointments and not be as smooth.

Peanut, for whom this blog is named after, is a little pistol of a girl who has enough attitude and glowing smiles to bring an auditorium full of drill sergeants to their knees. Peanut’s nickname just kind of happened, like any other great nickname.

To better remember people’s names, I add a description of something significant in my phone contacts. ‘Flimsy handshake’ or ‘talked about her Senior Thesis all night at the bar.’ While these aren’t quite nicknames, they cut to the chase and help to remember the essence of that person.

Sometimes there’s a story behind it but the best are really backed up by that gut feeling of “oh yeah, he does look like a ‘Claw’ because he holds his hand in that weird way or ‘Chainsaw’ because his jean shorts look like they went through a chainsaw”

Other times, the nicknames are SO much better than the original, so referring to them by their socially ordained name really makes all parties involved happy.

Tiger Woods’ first name is not Tiger (so disappointed at first, I know). When hearing that his first name was indeed, Eldrick, I wholeheartedly agreed with the well-advised substitution.

In many circles of friends, if you don’t have a nickname you’re not really close with the group. It’s a way of bonding and showing respect for one another that the nicknamed can joke and be joked about.

In my personal friend group, we all have nicknames. Mofo, Big Dog, The Bird, Nud, Cowboy, Scuba Steve, Doctor, Poth, Trugs, C-rad. All of them make absolute sense when you meet them. The name calling process allows creative juices to flow and everyone has a little fun.

Nicknames can be hilarious. So if your friend group doesn’t have any, you should probably address that dire situation ASAP.

 

Befriending Two Fury Beings

Man’s best friend, they said. It would be fun, they said. Well, dogs deserve the title ‘Baby’s best friend,’ too. Peanut was surprisingly calm when meeting the two family dogs for the first time. That’s pretty impressive, considering these two giant fur balls cause a ruckus 24/7, they pride themselves on bringing small dead animals to the doorstep and jumping on top of anyone who’s really comfortable watching a movie.   That being said, the pups know when to implement their often-dwindling manners when appropriate.

Hi, Hello, How Are You

They’re the first faces you see when you walk through the door and there’s no better greeting on the planet. Let’s get down to the stats here.

Stewie, an Australian Shepard, is a Momma’s boy, loves snacks, gets jealous when other people get more attention than him and Beyoncé is his guilty pleasure. When Stewie gets excited he does a wiggle dance with his butt. He is renowned for being an alarm clock in the form of licking toes.

He is a wise intellectual canine, too. Stewie can unlock all of the doggie doors and he’s a great listener.

On the other hand there’s Moose, a big clunky Rottweiler. He always needs to be in the action, slobbering on TV remotes, chasing squirrels or scaring the shit out of the mailman. He always goes 100%. Moose looks over Peanut like Carl in those awesome Alexandra Day kid books.

Friend or Foe?

When meeting new people or being thrown into new situations, that’s when the pups’ ADHD kicks in. Stepping briefly into their minds, it would sound something like this: “IF I DEVOUR THIS PERSON, WILL DAD GIVE ME A SNACK? FRIENDS, NEW FRIENDS, I LOVE PARTIES. HE LOOKS TASTY.”

First things first, everyone should prepare themselves for where a dog will go with their nose. Yup, for some reason a dog must stick that slimy wet nose of theirs right in the most uncomfortable and rather private spots. The sniffing of the butt can last anywhere from ten seconds to a minute, but it’s gotta happen. It’s like a doggie initiation, if you will. This initial stage only happens the first couple of times you meet them, then you’re old news.

As uncomfortable as it may be, you should just go with the flow. “Hey, when you’re done sniffin’ around down there let’s play fetch and become best friends.” Would be a recommended reaction.

Have We Met Before?

The second encounter with Stewie and Moose is not as long and thorough as the first. Now, even though this is the second or third time you meet them, the pups immediately begin sniffing you, just to make sure their eyes are not playing tricks on them and you are still the “new human.” After a good sniff or two, Stewie begins to wiggle his butt due to a lack of tail. Moose, who is not as trusting as Stewie, moves from sniffing you to slobbering all over what you’re carrying. (RIP those cool new headphones that were drowned in drool). Something along the lines of ‘DOES THE NEW HUMAN HAVE SNACKS!?’ is probably going through their heads.

Oh Hey Old Friend

After taking some long walks with the dogs and letting them lick your hands after you’ve eaten, you can now consider your relationship to be more than just occasional acquaintances. When you wake up in the morning, they no longer bark at you but instead immediately begin licking feet. Instead of solely following their owners around the house, the dogs begin to pay more attention to you, laying by your feet and occasionally giving you a big lick on the cheek.

You know the two dogs care about you and have your back. Even Moose, who was wary of you for the first couple encounters, no longer hesitates when greeting you. The relationship is very comfortable at this point. He even farts when you’re both on the couch. But don’t be that guy who blames the dog.