Hovercraft Parenting

The age old Helicopter Parent has since evolved into something much much worse, a ‘Hovercraft Parent.’ Modern parents have a new set of instincts that increasingly shelter their child from the daunting ‘bad’ in the world. Helicopter Parents linger over their kids, but Hovercraft Parents straight up smother them. Sweeping generalization? Perhaps…but I’ll let you be the judge.

The reality of the situation is in a world where anything can simply be Googled, there’s a spoiler alert behind every turn regardless of the how protective the parents. The efforts of Hovercraft Parents to protect their kids from bullies are futile, because they often perpetuate the problem and victimize their child.

Peanut was recently exposed to some Hovercraft Parenting and she was wondering why parents are all up in their kids’ business?

So we thought about it for a bit and we came up with a two step guide to avoid hovercraft parenting as much as possible.

** From here on, let’s call them Hovercrafters. One because it’s easier and two, let’s be honest, they’re not that good at parenting and don’t deserve that in their title. **

How To Spot A Hovercrafter

The first step is always identification. Who are these Hovercrafter and what are they all about?

They’re often the mom or dad who doesn’t stop talking about their kid. “Johnny’s on the Ivy Track and won’t be at the school field trip because he has a dance recital,” said a Hovercrafter one time (I’m sure of it). In case you didn’t know lady, Johnny eats crayons because he’s still in 2nd grade and his favorite color is 6.

Hovercrafters tend to do their kids’ homework for them and then complain to the teachers claiming they don’t teach well. Such a waste of time. The kid will grow up dependent and live in their parents’ basement for the rest of their life wondering why they never made it big.

Hovercrafters are also the ones who don’t really have social lives, so they replace that void with always being in their kids’ business. Hovercrafters try too hard. They don’t know when enough is enough and ironically, it often backfires.

Shielding a kid from something makes them want to question it even more. “Don’t tell Johnny about Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll.” Well he already pulled up the female anatomy and worse on Google. He asked an older kid about drugs and then got roped into some

How To Deal With A Hovercrafter

If Hovercrafters are spotted at kiddie playgroup telling the other kids not to make fun of Johnny’s Asthma or some other absurd Hovercrafter type activity, just steer clear. Stand back and observe. Because if you raised your kid right, they’ll handle it like a champ and other parents who think Hovercrafting is weird will naturally stand back too. Boom, best non-Hovercrafter friends you’ll ever meet.

Hovercrafters are usually hotheaded drama queens. And they fizzle out. So just do you and let the drama subside.

The best styles of parenting are 1. The right way and 2. The wrong way.

If you’re not a Heli or Hover Parent keep up the good work, you restore faith in humanity.


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