The 5 People You Meet On The Jersey Boardwalk

Going on walks are great for newborns. The movement usually puts them to sleep and they get some quality fresh air. All walks of life are out on the boardwalk too, so your kid gets to experience the ‘real world.’ And what a time it is to be alive.

1. The Surf Rat Skipping Work In The Winter To Catch The Latest Swell

It doesn’t matter whether he’s as old as Gandalf or a Young Buc, he’s getting in on some tasty waves and is letting everyone on Ocean Ave. know it. Often seen sprinting by you (top half of their wetsuit not even completely on) in the direction of the ocean yelling, “Yeeeewww.” Or, in groups returning to their cars with such dude-jubilation (or düdilation, if you will) that the entire block can hear. The words “dude,” “sick,” and “shreddable” are overused, but it’s all-good. Their employers would undoubtedly be impressed with the shred sesh.

2. The Elderly Lady Walking Her Small Dog

You know how they say owners look like their dogs. Well, that holds true here, too. It doesn’t matter whether the elderly lady is walking a Shih Tzu, a Maltese, a Chihuahua or a Pug, they are mirror images of one another. Jowls, poofed up hair and a look that’s little cocked to the side. They’re both cute in their own way.

And thank god she doesn’t stuff the little dog into her purse like Paris Hilton.

3. The Weird Workout Wonder

Now these workout anomalies are hard to miss and they leave a lasting impression. These people are indubitably grateful to be alive and are soaking it all up in the weirdest workout experience possible. They take on many forms.

  • A hula hoop lady, blasting Madonna so loud through her headphones you can hear it yards away.
  • A crazy elliptical guy (and sometimes his wife) who go 100 mph. I Googled the awkward looking and deadly fast Elliptical Machine On Wheels (or ‘Hell on Wheels,’ however you want to look at it) and the reviews were sublime, so maybe we’re the one’s missing out.
  • A guy riding his bike bumping 80’s cardio music and singing along while taking his hands off the wheel and punching the air.
  • An overweight guy who is sweating through his under layer and sweatshirt on a run in the middle of winter. But he’s kicking some ass and probably following up on some New Year’s resolutions.

4. The Old Local

He sits and ponders away as he smokes his cigar all day. You often smell him before seeing him, especially if you’re down wind from his Habanos Bolívar. He’s the type of guy you’d find playing checkers at a café in the square with the other guys from around the block and they all wear Irish Tweed hats and have croaky laughs. He doesn’t say much but always gives you a subtle nod as you walk past.

5. The Pack Of Gossiping Women

These bloodthirsty ladies group up every day to ‘power walk’ in their Active Wear. Amongst arm pumping and long gaits, they talk about the juicy town gossip. They faintly resemble birds chirping away at each other. And, just so everyone knows, Johnnie’s fiancé is a deadbeat according to Cheryl.


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